The reason you can't communicate with them

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What is a good conversation?

 

It's that you feel happy when you talk and your intentions have been conveyed as you wish.

It is possible only when the other person listens to you well to feel that you had fun and that your intention was well conveyed through the conversation.

The opposite is true as well. You have to listen carefully to feel that the other person has a satisfactory conversation.

But this "listening" thing. Are you really doing well?

By nature, human nature tends to be distracting. Even before you finish reading a text on your smartphone, you often click on another link to move on.

While the other person is talking, it is very natural for a lot of miscellaneous thoughts to go through your head.

Therefore, it is really difficult to let go of these thoughts and listen to the other person completely. The same goes for the other party.

Listening for a conversation is not just listening to what it sounds like.

Let's say you're listening to a friend who had a fight with his lover.

Listening to a friend's complaint and thinking about what to eat for dinner tonight is not a real listening.

It's "passive listening."

To have a real conversation, you have to 'active listening'. However, this 'active listening' is not as easy as you think.

Active listening is to understand, react, and remember the other person's thoughts and feelings. They even listen to the meaning hidden under the intention of the speaker.

This requires a great deal of concentration and attention. This is why "active listening" is not working well. American psychologist Carl Rogers also said that "active listening" requires a lot of concentration, so it is an area that requires training.

Humans originally prefer speaking to listening. They want to tell their stories, such as sad stories, happy stories, proud stories, dreams, and complaints, and want to express themselves.

This is an instinct. It's not easy to suppress your instincts.

However, you have to suppress your speaking instinct to make the other person feel that it was a satisfactory conversation. When a friend complains, you should not start talking about yourself, saying, "I've been through worse things," but focus on your friend's feelings.

Those who insist on their experiences without trying to understand the other person are tired to be with.

The reason why the conversation is difficult is because your listening is not good.

If you want a good conversation, try listening first. Let's put up with the speaking instinct for a moment.